My Latest Woe

Is a guy from some random IIT who seems to be doing a PhD somewhere who wants to become a professor in an IIT...

Hmm... sounds good.

Should find him a nice girl.

Anyway, the one thing that hurts the most is the discussions my parents have in deciding when and how to display me to the parents.

Hmm...

That's it. If you know me, you can see the expression on my face.

~ Me

Sari Shoppin'

I realise I have deviated from the original mission of this blog. This is supposed to be an entertaining space. Not a place for me to talk about louve.

Anyway, these past few weeks, I have been going shaadi shopping with my parents every sunday. I assure you, it is a very traumatic experience...

I did not know we had this many relatives. Ok, I did know they all existed but I didn't know all (and I mean all, including my mom's cousins stepmother) of them need to be gifted saris.

So, anyway, there are all these grades of relatives. Some who deserve brocade-gold zari-fine silk saris (description sounds more dramatic than pattu sari hence the usage) Some who deserve the silk but not the gold. Some to whom gifting brocade might seem inappropriate. Some who dont wear silk anymore because they're 'old'. One or two who we are not sure deserve saris but can't miss out because their cousins might be getting one. And many we're trying to mend relations with by gifting pretty saris to. After all, they're the ones who need to help fix up my marriage...

Now, here starts the fun part. How much do we spend on a single sari? Where do we buy them? What is the complexion of the lady in question? Should the ladiej get a choice? Should all saris of a certain grade be spread out in front of all those women and should they be given a chance to pick?
We're not sure. After all, what if X picks the sari that would look good on Y? What if the dark colours are done in the end and a dark lady is left with a yellow sari? Good God!

It has led to many a heated discussion at home. Mostly ending with my parents pouncing on my anti-social (would love to know what they classify a terrorist as) traits when I suggest we drop this whole sari business alltogether...

Anyhow. Tomorrow will be a better day. Because tomorrow, we're going to buy a sari for me.... And Heaven take pity on us because even our neighbours know by now that the three of us cannot agree on even a common toothpaste...

More entertainment tomorrow.

Luv
Me

Indistinguishable

That's what all those matches that they keep contemplating are. By 'they' I mean, of course, not only my parents but also a whole buch of nosey relatives.

There's the scene in Kal Ho Na Ho where Naina's dadi gets all these matches in the mail and says, "Kitne change munde hain teeno ke teenon" and Naina gets worked up and says, "Teen? Sab ek hi toh lagte hain!!!"

Ejjactly my opinion. The IIT's change, the Phamily's location changes, the MS ka university changes... But they're all the same. Same as everyone else. Same as me, same as you, same as the entire world.

Someone's Waiting

Someone's been waiting for me to change the tone of my writing from 'waiting' to 'found at last'...

Someone who seems to really like me (I do not use dreaded four letter words).

Someone I find cheerful, interesting, funny and smart.

And someone who's watch always runs 20 minutes late.

Someone who drove 23km to surprise me and to cheer me up...

Someone who I don't think is a dus bata dus, and definitely not a relative of the feviquik family(you know, sticks permanently, and sticks fast)

And someone who seems to understand the concept of time and space...

Yes, they're all the same person.

But I am still not in the right frame of heart or mind. I'm in an uncharacteristically selfish phase right now. All I can think of is me and myself alone.

Can't imagine a concept such as giving, listening and trusting. I rip people apart, those who annoy me. And prefer to keep people away. Turned down enough people already. And am in the process of turning down some more...

But this guy, am not sure how he sneaked in avoiding all those obstacles I set. Not too far, no. But far enough to make me think. Enough to make me wonder what my brother would think of him. And enough to get my hopes up again. Some of that cynicism seems to be wearing off... And that's a brilliant sign as far as I'm concerned.

Don't know. All avenues still open, including the part where I run away to haridwar and sing bhajans in temples. And that particular one seems the most interesting so far...

What I want to say

Would I get a chance to say this to a guy who comes bride hunting to my house?

There are a lot of things I want to do that I wish had the courage to do...

I want to be a singer, I want to be a writer, I want to be a CEO, I want to be a high school chemistry teacher, I want to be a java performance consultant, I want to develop a framework, I want to become an account manager...

The best part is, I know I'm smart enough to do all that... :-)

However, since modesty is one of my major virtues, I shall refrain from speaking too much about myself now :-P

Those are some of my dreams. There are more. And I know I will do anything to see them come true. It may sound concieted or selfish or arrogant or simply crazy, but anyone who stands between my journey from who I am to who I want to be would simply cease to exist for me. Not that I wouldn't talk to him, or be with him, but I would still vanish.

It's a concept that eludes a lot of people. "What can be more important than spending the rest of your life with someone you love who loves you?", They say. "Living my life.", I reply.

Is there someone who would understand that?

I'm waiting.

I still havent found what I'm looking for...

There's a line in Bunty aur Babli. Babli's parents want her to meet some random guy and she cries, "Main us dus bata dus se shaadi nahin karoongi..." (roughly means the kind of guy who always got 10/10 in all his tests, the aadarsh balak, so to speak)

I am not a dus bata dus. Really, I'm smart, I know that, but my report card always said "Can do better" and thats been the way I live my life. I'm always looking to do something better, something newer, different and most important, do what feels right to me.

And God knows this whole marriage thing doesnt seem right to me.

I need my space. Big time.

I was walking in my colony last evening, listeining to some songs and watching life go past. I saw all these 'happy couples' Mommy Daddy and Kid walking past. And I realised that I do not want this 10/10 life.

I do not want to spend my entire life worrying about my kids homework and sending my husband to work with a nice hotbox.

There's nothing wrong with it. I know. But still, thats the one thing that scares me more than anything else. Being tied down to one house, one profession, one person and a bunch of responsibilities.

In short, I am not ready for marriage.

But then, someone said to me the other day, why do you feel marriage will tie you down? Maybe it would set you free...

And the answer to that is, it would take something extrememly remarkable to make me believe that. It would take someone who can be close and yet give me my space. And it would take someone who understands my dreams.

My dreams are what mean most to me.

I will not give them up. I wonder why they bother to ask...