I still havent found what I'm looking for...

There's a line in Bunty aur Babli. Babli's parents want her to meet some random guy and she cries, "Main us dus bata dus se shaadi nahin karoongi..." (roughly means the kind of guy who always got 10/10 in all his tests, the aadarsh balak, so to speak)

I am not a dus bata dus. Really, I'm smart, I know that, but my report card always said "Can do better" and thats been the way I live my life. I'm always looking to do something better, something newer, different and most important, do what feels right to me.

And God knows this whole marriage thing doesnt seem right to me.

I need my space. Big time.

I was walking in my colony last evening, listeining to some songs and watching life go past. I saw all these 'happy couples' Mommy Daddy and Kid walking past. And I realised that I do not want this 10/10 life.

I do not want to spend my entire life worrying about my kids homework and sending my husband to work with a nice hotbox.

There's nothing wrong with it. I know. But still, thats the one thing that scares me more than anything else. Being tied down to one house, one profession, one person and a bunch of responsibilities.

In short, I am not ready for marriage.

But then, someone said to me the other day, why do you feel marriage will tie you down? Maybe it would set you free...

And the answer to that is, it would take something extrememly remarkable to make me believe that. It would take someone who can be close and yet give me my space. And it would take someone who understands my dreams.

My dreams are what mean most to me.

I will not give them up. I wonder why they bother to ask...