Finally Figured the Trouble

I look for a brilliant husband.

My parents look for a good son-in-law.

The intersection is a null set... :P

I Noticed Something

Almost all comments left on this blog are by girls.

It's nice to know that girls can relate to what I write here.

Also kinda proves that girls everywhere run into more or less the same crises... :-)

Even the hero wants to control us.

An anonymous commenter said this. And it's true.

Through life, movies and yet more life, I have seen this. The hero decides, and the heroine docilely nods her head declaring his shadow to be her fitting place in life. And when he doesn't, we call him the heroine.

What's important is that somewhere, it's ingrained in our collective subconscious that the heroine doesn't say no. If she does, it's only to say yes after the hero has made a crude pass at her for the hundredth time. And she doesn't usually say yes either. She runs away blushing and smiling. And the father says, "kitne acche sanskar diye hain maine apni beti ko."

After all these years of gyan, lectures and so called bills of rights, I realise that Sister Flavian was not so right after all.

The heroine with a voice, the woman who knows her mind and the girl who speaks without mincing words are usually rarities. And those rare ones are rather unwelcome.

The rich girl who says "No" to a guy will either be taught a lesson by the factory worker (80's Amitabh Bacchan style) or will have sense knocked into her head by a trauma she cannot face without her hero.

Yes. It's true. Even the hero wants to control us...

Random Scribblings

There will be bright lights in the marriage hall, women rustling around in heavy silk saris, sounds of music, perfumed smoke from the sacred fire, little children running around clueless of what's happening but enjoying the excitement and the girl you love looking uncharacteristically shy sitting beside you, waiting for that moment when the music peaks and the yellow thread is tied, moms blink back tears and people crowd around throwing coloured rice and flower petals showering blessings on you and your bride...

If the dream is not this, the girl is not right...

and maybe the right guy would feel thus:

trying to feel not very shy about his bare chest amidst shouts of attention from people with cams and trying to give a plastic look ... and not get very fussy with smoke around ... and respond to the shreiks and shouts of cousins and etc's in a battle of pouring colored rice grains... and then bend six feet down about a 100 times for blessings from octagenarians...

Too Many Well Wishers

Sometimes, I wonder where people are heading to.

I always thought marriage was something sacred. Something you enter not because you're of the right age, mindset or because there's someone who can keep you company all your life but because you're ready to move out of a single life into building some permanent bonds.

Marriage is about having a family. It's about being a focal point where two families merge and feel good about. My second cousins husband and husbands third cousin go, hey! Nice meeting you here!

Marriage is about having your own family. Children you bring up according to the best of both worlds.

Marriage is about responsibility. I have my life, my husband, my kids. I fall sick, I take care of myself. I don't run "home" like I do right now.

Most of all, marriage is about wanting to share a lifetime, to love, trust and grow with a person. It's not about pedigree, not about degrees, not about shared interests, comfort or any such crap. They are important. But not quite as much.

How can people get so frivilous about it? How can they think about flats in prime locations and promising degrees? Or a degree of comfort that might just lead to stagnation?

How do people even imagine that you can break old ties and still build and sustain new ones?

I have no clue.

A week (perhaps more) of soul searching and listening has driven me to anxiety. How little do people value being married? What value do they attach to their spouse? And why is everything linked to being the "right match"?

I have no clue. If it was as simple as all that, there would be happier people in the world.

Call me a romantic, call me unrealistic, tell me that "this is the way it is". I don't agree. I will not marry until I'm convinced. I will not marry hoping to be able to love someone. I will not marry hoping the genes will produce a Vishwanathan Anand. And oh, I will not marry just because everyone thinks that I should marry the person I spend most waking hours talking to.

I will marry who I want to and When I want to. So there...