Young women...

I keep thinking that every time, I read posts in this blog (and mind you, these are atleast 5 years old, if not more) nothing seems juvenile. I cant help but think, how mature we- as people were. Proud of us Sammy and Avu. Toast to us.

While a lot of my the-then friends worked up to becoming a good, Indian wife, we rebelled and fought for choices. Choices that we thought should NOT change our lives. Not even a teeny bit.

I still remember the heated arguments with my dad, sulking one moment and negotiating the next. Tonnes of years later, I am glad I did it. It just makes perfect sense. I am glad I did not end up like someone who hates herself. Equalism debates paid off.  :) 

"Is your son/daughter(s) settled in life?"

To attempt to answer this, one needs to know some theory behind this loaded question. Read: "Is your son/daughter having one and a half kid? Do they have a good job which gives enough salary to save atleast about 50% of what comes in, excluding the expenses? Do they have a home loan which is on the verge of completion? Do the kid/s go to a good school and are they dus bata dus students? Do you have any difference of opinions?" This is just the tip of the ice berg trust me! Unless it is a 'yes' to all the theory questions, you can say "Yes, my children are settled". Unfortunately these days, State Bank of India is not offering jobs to every child! If only that were the case, then the story would have been different.

What if one of them is still studying? Ans:" Tsk Tsk.. Pcch.. Poor you! It's OK, as soon as they finish you will be happy again. " Excuse me! Who's not happy now??
What if both are not living together? Ans: "Is their relationship alright? Is your SIL/DIL a good person?" I'm glad atleast one of them is suffering the distance when none of the others are! :)
What if one of them is studying and both are living together? I won't even bother to answer that. Clearly it is a route to disaster I am sure.

So much for 'settlement' in life... There's so much of gap between the immediate generation these days, that they fail to understand that the time has changed.

PS: The answers are all generic. There are special people who have different opinion on the subject and I am glad I belong to those families. :)

Marriage sounds claustrophobic???

Lot of 'single ready to mingle' kind of people that I meet these days have only one problem. They don't want to get married because they think if they do, they are going to lose out on their footloose and fancy free lifestyle.

It is only unfortunate that marriage is viewed more as cooking regularly, doing household stuff, taking more responsibilities either in terms of the partner or in terms of the 'dreaded' in-laws (No thanks to Saas- Bahu soaps!). If you think your life is not worth living anymore according to your terms, then I guess welcome to the world of marriage in soaps!!

Reality check: I've been married for two and a half years. The only thing that changed in my life is that I have a person who is ready to listen to me always and a person to share my views with. A person with who I have enough freedom to agree to disagree. Did I ever feel claustrophobic for being in a relationship?? I never thought about it that much. I still have my own space, pursue the same hobbies, am the same person.

I am sure there are a number of them who agree with this! Does it require effort? Or did I get plain lucky? I don't know!
So does marriage sound claustrophobic??For me: Nay- Been there, done that... :)

Committed With a 'K'

So, all these friends of mine keep coming to me and asking me how do you know? How did you decide? What do you really look for?

I've been putting off an answer for almost 5 months now. And I still don't have one. How do you know it's the right guy you've stumbled on?

The answer is, you don't, really.

I'm serious. How do I know for sure that my story is going to end with a "Happily Ever After"? I really don't. How do I know that we won't fight over smelly socks or Windows vs Linux? How do we know that we would love how the other person looks when they're 80 years old? Come to think of it, how do we even know that we're going to be 80?

We don't. We don't know a lot of things. And the more prepared we are to accept this uncertainity in life, the simpler it is for us.

It took me a long time to come to terms with this "truth". Fed as we have been on a diet of long blonde hair (who in India even has blonde hair except Amisha Patel in one of her ahem! phases?) and white horses that charge into the sunset. And stories of rings found inside fish and memories that enchant and love that transcends lifetimes.

I realized one morning that here is someone smart and sweet and sensitive, about as crazy as me and slightly more focussed in life. And I saw someone who I connected to and decided, I don't know about ever after, but right now looks pretty darn good... I'm not sure that I won't find someone "better" but who can define "better", really?

To all those friends of mine who can't make up their minds... You can't be too logical to think about marriage and come to a decision. Sometimes, its better to just let go...

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