Sunday, November 25, 2007

Chemistry In Marriage

After having come up with the "perfection" post and after reading Xai's latest I cannot help but relate arranged marriages with the most fundamental principle in chemistry we all learn- The Octet Rule which says that atoms tend to pair in such a way that they attain 8 electrons in the valence shell thereby achieving maximum stability.

At the end of the day,marriage is about attaining stability,both emotional and financial.It is this need for stability that still keeps the concept of an arranged marriage alive.It is this need for stability that makes your parents regard you as HALF A COUPLE(Xai's Post). No matter how qualified we are,no matter how much we earn somewhere deep down,we know that our parents know best afterall and thereby marry the "perfect" guy who comes our way than wait for a knight in shining armour to sweep us off our feet. As for the parents,they believe that it is only the "perfect" girls and boys who can provide the stability to their children.

However,there are too many perfect guys and too many perfect girls and hence the market continues.........

Thursday, November 22, 2007

What Works

Someone left a comment on this blog talking about the things about the marriage market that work. And I thought my reply deserves a separate post. (Congratulations you! you've earned yourself a specially written post from The Goddess herself!)

The trouble with arranged marriages has never really been the fundamentals. The more time I spend looking at arranged marriages that work, the more I realize that. Family, upbringing and values form a large part of the reason two people decide that they can comfortably live with each other. Other things are looks, education and finances. Arranged marriages do not fail you in any of these.

Lets face it, if we didn't derive comfort from having a partner from a similar background, we would have long since married that extra special friend from school, college or work who we got along with brilliantly. We do care, and hence arranged marriages are not for social morons alone.

What troubles me is the way we have turned a beautiful concept into a market. It should be about meeting someone, concentrating on knowing him for himself and then deciding if you would like to be married to him without worrying about background issues. However, reality far from it. Today, a girl cannot really be any more sure of a guy she meets in the marriage market than of someone she meets, say at work or in a pub.

The reason is simple. The focus has moved from investigating a person who would keep your child happy, to seeking perfection. (For more on perfection, refer to avu's post). It shouldn't matter whether the boy is a rocket scientist or a chef unless your daughter does. It shouldn't matter whether the girl is a sari clad, temple circumabulating supermodel looker or not. But it does. And this is what I have been trying to say in the last 50 odd posts.

Arranged marriages are probably the best bet we have for ensuring that the gene pool stays intact and we get people from diverse yet similar backgrounds get to meet. But we've reduced it to a Kumbh Mela which just a cattle market at the end of it all...

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

AUNTYGIRI

If you are over 21 years of age(25 for guys),single and happen to attend any family/social gathering,you are subjected to what is called AUNTYGIRI.

AUNTYGIRI is the question-answer,gossip,information relay and conclusion assumption system carried out by our dear auntys who are more often than not "good friends" of ur mothers',2nd,3rd,4th and so on upto nth cousins of ur parents and the helpful and caring(read snoopy) neighbours.

Actually,AUNTYGIRI exists at every phase of life.It probably starts from the sack race days in school and goes on for the rest of your life.It is an intermittent phenomenon that is very severe during festivals,board exams,entrance exams and campus placements but reaches its peak during the marriage season.The auntys cannot tolerate the single status and try their best either to talk your parents into getting you married or try to find the "reasons" behind you being single.

One aunty recently told me that "no matter how many degrees you have,you will end up cleaning soiled diapers,so why don't you just get married"

A TYPICAL AUNTY CONCLUSION
Aunty One:Do u know,that she is 24 and her parents have no intentions of getting her married.

Aunty Two:They must be trying,but are not revealing it.

Aunty One: But why? Do you think she had an affair?

Aunty Two: Maybe,she looks like she is that type(i seriously don't understand how u can "look" like that!).

YET ANOTHER ONE
Aunty One: Have u seen Mrs.Xs daughter in Mrs.Ys party yesterday

Aunty Two:I missed the party at Mrs.Ys place(poor thing the newly bought diamond earrings went unflaunted).But y do u ask?

Aunty One:She is dark and also a bit fat.I am sure she weighs more than my daughter and doesn't look half as good

Aunty Two: Maybe thats y she is not married in spite of being 24

THE AUNTY HALL OF FAME
All the K serial women are born auntys
All the PVCs of la la land are auntys in the making(refer to PVC in my blog)

THE BEST AUNTY SO FAR
I don't think anyone can beat Nadira Babbar as Aishwarya Rai's mother in Bride and Prejudice