Only those capable of outdazzling by miles need apply...
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Brahman
That's what the Vedas call the all pervasive force that is the universe. Brahman is out of the scope of the understanding of an ordinary mortal, they say. And define not what Brahman is; rather what Brahman is not. Not this, not this, not this either, they say.
What's this to do with The Circus you might ask.
Well, because that's how half the guys get described by girls (or perhaps girls too, I'm not privy to locker room talk).
Not too bad, it starts. Height, not bad. Job, could be worse. Not too boring. Not very orthodox, not very strict (read allows wife to wear jeans) not overly mommy mommy, not too fat (or tondu), not very talkitive, not very arrogant (though he might act like knight out to rescue damsel from a life of drudgery), not... well, any girl can complete that list.
And while trying to explain this to my bhai, I made the connection today. Is this why they call them Pati-Parmeshwar? :P
What's this to do with The Circus you might ask.
Well, because that's how half the guys get described by girls (or perhaps girls too, I'm not privy to locker room talk).
Not too bad, it starts. Height, not bad. Job, could be worse. Not too boring. Not very orthodox, not very strict (read allows wife to wear jeans) not overly mommy mommy, not too fat (or tondu), not very talkitive, not very arrogant (though he might act like knight out to rescue damsel from a life of drudgery), not... well, any girl can complete that list.
And while trying to explain this to my bhai, I made the connection today. Is this why they call them Pati-Parmeshwar? :P
Friday, April 20, 2007
Saturday, April 07, 2007
A Girl's Life
All her life, irrespective of how liberal her parents may be, a girl grows up hearing two things. One, that her name is only temporary. And two, that she's not a permanent member of her family.
It doesnt matter that the parents think you're smarter than your brother in some ways. Or that you've been around more at home. At the end of it all, you don't really belong here.
A friend and I were talking the other day. He said men make as much of a change in their lives as women do. That this whole process of match fixing is as cumbersome for them as it is for a girl. Here's an approximate reproduction of what I said to him.
A woman will change her name, her bonds, her city and possibly even her job to be with you. She will live in your home, spend more time with your friends than her own, possibly dress the way you like, most likely enter the kitchen for the first time and first learn to cook what you like best.
Even if you're just thinking about blessing her life with your presense, she realizes that she suddenly has two sets of parents to be accountable to instead of one.
She will wait patiently while you try to arrive at a decision and replay everything that ever passed between you a million times and wonder each time if she said the right thing.
Your girl will stop eating out of her best friends plate because it may not look right to the world.
She will not join a salsa class because you might not like her dancing with another man.
She will stop being seen alone with the guy(s) she's been hanging out for months with because it would not really be nice anymore. There are four parents to appease.
A woman will wait, listen and long for a word of acknowledgement of her existance while life goes on for you in your thinking world.
She will fear if she can really make all those changes that she has to and then fear that you may not take her fears seriously. After all, she's not the first woman on the planet to get married. Nor will she be the last.
I wonder how many men have really seen any of this turmoil in the lives of the women they married and acknowledged it.
I wonder how many friends really understood where the smile on the girls face really went without accusing her of suddenly changing.
I wonder how many brothers smiled at their sisters and said sane or insane, rational or irrational, they were with them...
I wonder.
At the end of it all, it is left to a woman to wait, to long, to cry and wish and accept and change and move into a new life without losing the bonds from the old...
It doesnt matter that the parents think you're smarter than your brother in some ways. Or that you've been around more at home. At the end of it all, you don't really belong here.
A friend and I were talking the other day. He said men make as much of a change in their lives as women do. That this whole process of match fixing is as cumbersome for them as it is for a girl. Here's an approximate reproduction of what I said to him.
A woman will change her name, her bonds, her city and possibly even her job to be with you. She will live in your home, spend more time with your friends than her own, possibly dress the way you like, most likely enter the kitchen for the first time and first learn to cook what you like best.
Even if you're just thinking about blessing her life with your presense, she realizes that she suddenly has two sets of parents to be accountable to instead of one.
She will wait patiently while you try to arrive at a decision and replay everything that ever passed between you a million times and wonder each time if she said the right thing.
Your girl will stop eating out of her best friends plate because it may not look right to the world.
She will not join a salsa class because you might not like her dancing with another man.
She will stop being seen alone with the guy(s) she's been hanging out for months with because it would not really be nice anymore. There are four parents to appease.
A woman will wait, listen and long for a word of acknowledgement of her existance while life goes on for you in your thinking world.
She will fear if she can really make all those changes that she has to and then fear that you may not take her fears seriously. After all, she's not the first woman on the planet to get married. Nor will she be the last.
I wonder how many men have really seen any of this turmoil in the lives of the women they married and acknowledged it.
I wonder how many friends really understood where the smile on the girls face really went without accusing her of suddenly changing.
I wonder how many brothers smiled at their sisters and said sane or insane, rational or irrational, they were with them...
I wonder.
At the end of it all, it is left to a woman to wait, to long, to cry and wish and accept and change and move into a new life without losing the bonds from the old...
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